Morzine V – (Morzine Faster and
higher IV)
Woodbridge Surfers – Extreme Division (Team Hot Pizz)
A DP Production 2012 – Fueled by Vodka
Special Thanks to Team Citrus & Poached Eggs
As a last minute casualty to a virus, we all knew that IC
would be sadly missed; the lack of his delicate precision riding and alarming
pharmaceutical usage would not go un-noticed. But as someone once said “The show
must go on and let’s spend his deposit in the bar.”
Special thanks to Steve Franks for holding the pre-production/fill
the 5th seat /get CS drunk and in the car party.
This year DP allowed us a lay-in, another (as it turned out
quite important) hour in bed, so 4am Melanie’s Mystery Machine gathered up this year’s participants, of what turned
out to be a very mixed but fantastically exciting 5th visit to the
Alps. It was a dry journey and after 12 hours in the seat we rolled up to a dry
Morzine, knowing rain was on the way. (Rain;
annoying in the UK, dangerous on hills). A swift beer, rather dubious
table snacks and then on to the chalet, the accommodation choice was good,
although it took a day to get hot water.
Monday morning was bright but threatening clouds, but we
excitedly collected our rides, velcro’d on everything we had and like the kids on
Christmas morning, we hurried to the lift. The conditions were not going to put
us off, nor was the swift 100+ bikes per hour cable car being temporarily replaced
by a double- lunchbox-on- a-wire 30 per hour, disappointment. An hour later we
were there, we were on the mountain, unable to contain ourselves, some of us
had to scent mark immediately, it then was ours and we were off. Conditions were worse than we had expected and
thick mud and polished wet roots filled the wooded areas, it was a real challenge!
Confidence in the bikes grew as the faster out-of the woods sections started to
dry, but the rain came and went keeping it interesting. A little mishap for
everyone and even a little back flip for AM, proving there is still plenty
bounce in all of us. Back to the temporary
clubhouse to remove mud from all creases, discuss the day over fine home cooked
food and maybe beer or two. As forecasted the rain carried on heavily through
the night, ensuring we were to have another day slipping in the mud.
The sun came up to reveal a brighter but still very wet day
as we fought amongst ourselves to decide which two would get in the kitchen,(The
chalet lovely as it was, had a dungeon, which was damp and cold, (which someone
seemed to enjoy), but the kitchen was tiny, ( you could have a free moving
cook, but his bitch had to move around in culinary harmony) as it turned out DT
was to dominate in this area in the morning,
he would go on to provide us with a double
portion of protein each day – “
Aller à
travailler sur
un œuf ou deux”
When we hit the mountain we tried to stay away from the rooted
treachery of the woods and as we spent more and more time on technical runs,
there was definite increase in speed and
despite the conditions, a bit of air was
appearing on every jump. A red run which was fast becoming our favourite, with
its tight one foot high but smooth berms, which although were still wet, could
now
be taken at some speed. As my
confidence grew towards the end of the day, I let it go a little more, starting
to clear a few of the table tops and with being a bit ragged on the corners, I
expected to see a little gap behind, but all were line astern as we dropped
onto the fire track. The conditions and the more limited area, could easily
have felt a restriction but as it turned out and more so as it started to dry,
it seemed to focus and we went go quicker.
The feeling of being able to go as quick as you like ended abruptly as
we squeezed in just one more run. This now familiar run exited the woods on to
a open gravel track and all that lay between us and another safely completed
day, was now Steve’s jump, one, two, three bikes cleared it and where is DT? Back
to the chalet to view the on-board footage, for him to soak his wounds and give
himself a damn good talking to.
The weather fully turned on Wednesday, the temperature was
up, the sky was blue, it was going to be a sick day, we were going to smash it
up large, we were pumped. Well actually everything
hurt, but after ibuprofen, ibuprofen rub, paracetomol and two cans of coke,
then we were pumped. A run that starts at the top of the mountain, drops down
to Let Gets, it is red but black in places, plenty of jumps, very rutted in the
braking and with berms that are in
excess of 15ft high was now dry and very, very fast. It felt like 20 mins
and that your arms have swollen with lactic acid, but it is only 7 and the muscles
that need it (hand grip & fore arm) are just not strong enough, you need to
concentrate more than any other time, especially if DP has the video camera
attached, no matter how quick you go, you know he will so close that you can
almost feel him pulling pixels off your back. With the day going so well, it
seemed that it was the right time to do my annual groin stunt (land badly, miss
the seat and feed everything soft that I have through into the back wheel until
it hits the frame) this year luckily nothing squeezed through the gap. The journey
back to Morzine each day involved a couple of miles on the road, fast straights and
switchbacks, tonight there was targets cars. Having caught them, it was
not long before the first had enough of freewheeling bikes trying to get past
and pulled off to lets us by, the second was a lot tougher, he held it together
under the pressure and was saved by a slight incline. Rossi could have learnt
something from the style and finesse shown on the tarmac. It was a long full-on day, exhausted, 4 of
your cheapest biggest beers was requested at Dixies. Followed by another
culinary delight back at Alpine HQ with a bottle of 2 Euro wine, 2 games of
Petanque, some king of beer, a DP vodka mix, Euro on the telly and in bed by 9.
Thursday, the last day was exceptional, not a cloud in sight
and it was going to be hot. It was now only two days before the Portes du
Soleil, an annual Downhill & MTB event, and the mountain started to fill
with slower victims who needed hunting down riders. After a few runs on the now familiar Let Gets
tracks and perfecting dragging the back wheel to warn slower riders of their
position in life, we made the move across to Mont Chery, the home of the World
Cup (my that is steep) Black run. Our presence very quickly attracted the
attention of some pit girls who we managed to keep at arm’s length by allowing
them to photograph us in front of Mont Blanc.
It was not completely dry and the black is now showing its
age a little, but it is clenchingly steep for about 100 metres, as an
experiment I released the brakes for a split second, it is safe to say I will
never do that again, it was like free fall. One of us seemed to spend a lot of time
in every gulley he could find, but now well into the forth full day there were
not many body parts that were not tired and mistakes easily made. We sedated ourselves with lunch, the gallette
seemed to fit the bill as the waitress made the understandable mistake of
describing the main ingredient as a cocaine like substance. It was wholemeal
flour of course.
After lunch we headed back to Let Gets for the rest of the
afternoon, it was bone dry outside the woods as the temperature had soared past
30 degrees. We somehow found a little
more speed and the last couple of hours were the fastest of the week. The last
run of the day was the 6 mile trek into Morzine, it was mixed terrain with 2
miles or tarmac in the middle. The last half a mile before the road a straight
30mph+ grass track, we knew the best line from the days before, stay left out
of the ruts and let it all go, then wish you hadn’t because of gravelly corner
with a catch fence. Having caught two riders at the fastest point, one decided
he would throw himself on the floor in front of us, a little stunned he got up
and walked between us at speed, we did ask of his well being, but really we just
muttering as we could not decide which one of us was going to run him over. Not
stopping gained enough time to catch freshly re-wired lift for one more ride
before Morzine 5 came to a close. A cool down on a gentle green before we
reluctantly handed back the bikes and once again and secured “ 4 of your
largest and cheapest beers” In the town
38 degrees confirmed that is was damn hot and when you filled all that
your are wearing with sweat, your blisters have burst and you can hardly grip,
the beer tastes extra special.
Woodbridge to Morzine. 10hrs 32 mins driving, 12hrs 30 mins journey total (each way)
659 and a half miles (each way)
Average, 63mph and 40mpg
7 Hours of video footage for AM to sort
41 eggs consumed
No mechanical failures & no punctures
Pharmaceutical
costs reduced by 87% (mainly due
to no IC).
No fractures.
Oversized lunchtime Pizzas – avoided.
Alcohol consumption reduced by a fifth.
Possible new boy entry into the “Most skin removed in one
incident Coutts award”
The annual AM (I think I will try out this ditch next to the
track with one wheel only and get away with it again) snail lesson.
Morzine V, muddier and men down, but faster and higher
still, already a classic.
Coming Soon
Morzine VI (New
Heights or
High and Furious) applications in writing to DP (Organiser and nice
bloke)
